I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
