something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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