I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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