I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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