I showed him my bush... on skype.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
