she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
