i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
