I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
