she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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