oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize