I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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