Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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