she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
