I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
