It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
