i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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