Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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