3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize