I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
