I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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