Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
