You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
