I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
