Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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