I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
