You smell like a Billy Joel song
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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