Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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