don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
