drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
