Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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