Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
