wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
