That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
