I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
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