mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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