had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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