I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
