Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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