i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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