The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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