You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
