Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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