If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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