Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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