lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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