we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
