Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
