a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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