I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
