If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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