He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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