I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
