fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
honey bunches of taint.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
