I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
