Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
