i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
