It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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