im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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