my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
