if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
