You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
is wine microwaveable?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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