I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
