Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
