Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't deserve a penis
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
