my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Randomize
