im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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