Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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