we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
