I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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