i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize