I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
where are my eyebrows?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
