i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
