so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Come see our sink grown plant.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
