It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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