After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
