I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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