i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
